Friday, September 26, 2008


Yes.. it's officially Autumn in New York.

It's getting chilly.. and the presence of rainy weather affirms it.

Just to digress a little, I'll probably write a bit about these few weeks first. My apologies for not being diligent enough to write. Things have been fairly busy since I got back, with school starting and all. And I guess, I just didn't have the energy to write about it too.

First week of my return is pretty much as what I expected. Errands to run to get back into the groove of things - school, household, and everything else. Mentally I finally settled in after the first week. I still miss home and my life there. Some days more than others. But I guess it's settled in much more by now. One thing is for sure is that some things had to change from my first six months here. Break some old habits, and make new ones, where school is concerned. Put simply, just develop routines so that I have to work a little harder for school.

I haven't caught much jazz shows in NY that much yet, as I had spent quite a bit of money the past few weeks, so I'll save up for next month. Among other things, Kenny Garrett will be playing at the Iridium with his new quartet, and new CD, and I wanna go check it out. Oh, my good friend, and (what I would surmise as) my "past life brother" David Muehsam came to town for a couple of weeks to visit his mom. We got to hung out a bit, and it was a bit refreshing in many ways for me. We talked a lot about a variety of things - horns, music, life, politics, food, music, horns, life, food - and of course, not just verbally, too. Musical conversations were not excluded too!

I did a gig with Michelle Marie's band not too long ago. She organized a jazz fest at the Hudson River Cafe, and had three acts - percussionist Felle Vega, her trio (with me and Chern Hwei as guests), and Antonio Sanchez Trio (with bassist Scott Colley and saxophonist Steve Wilson)!! I played on three of her songs, and it was pretty scary, but exhilirating, too! I got to play in front of these great musicians! I hope I didn't screw up too badly. Antonio Sanchez is a mofo on da drums!!

Anyway.. back to Autumn..

Maybe it's one of "those days" kinda thing, but I woke up feeling crappy. And it's probably the second time it's happened this week. Then couple it with a mild headache. One thing led to another, I ended up feeling rather flustered and confused about everything at the end of the day. CH says I should stop watching Naruto online, as it could mess with my head. He may be right, or am I just using it as a form of 'escapism' from my life here? Could it be all that blowing from practicing causing lack of oxygen going into my brain? I don't know. I'm confused and frustrated about something, and I don't know what it is. I'm still trying to figure it out.

I don't know anything anymore. And it's really getting to me. I always thought I knew what I wanted. Maybe I still do.. but it gets a little more cloudy as the days go by. It's really odd. Before I came here for the first time, it was something I was really clear about (that's why I'm here in the first place), and there was probably only one aspect of my life that I was lacking. But now, its totally reversed. What I lacked when I was back in home, I have now.. and what I thought I was sure of, I'm not anymore. And when I think of the bigger picture, I get even more clouded. Doubts arise. It's really getting to me. I'm praying for some guidance.

Maybe it's just the season shift... I heard that the change in season affects people in different ways..

... then again, I don't know.


Anonymous said...

Stop doing too much internet and face the reality world. CH is right for not too much Naruto online. In fact, is to ask you to face the fact directly. If there is a problem or something you lack of, go straight to it and do something.

Julian Chan said...

Yo CM,

Thanks for the advice. Definitely can't disagree with you guys. But anyway, I'm feeling much more better these past few days after writing that post.. though I can't say it's from writing it. That night when I was writing it, my head was seriously all over the place... not funny.. never had this problem before. It was crazy.

Don't worry, man. I'll be fine.. haha..

I think it's really one of those astrological things, you know, a particular day and time where it just screws up your equilibrium.

Next day I was fine, actually. Now also still okay. can think more straight..